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The room beyond was pitch dark, but even in the meager light from the hall I could sense its vastness. A ballroom of some sort, that sounded right for this fucking family. I fumbled for a light switch but failed to find anything, so I pulled out my phone and turned the light on, casting it around the room in a wide arc. It took me a second to process what I was seeing, and when I did I staggered backwards. It looked like a bunch of furniture storage at first, a jumble of irregular shapes, some draped with tarps. But as my eyes adjusted I realized that one of the things I was looking at was a torture rack, complete with crank wheels at either end. Off to the side was a St. Andrews cross, built of a thick, heavy looking wood. I felt a flash of embarrassment at how quickly that name had come to mind. I walked slowly through the room, eyes widening with every step. A sharp-edged wooden pony over here, some complicated metal frames I couldn’t figure out against one wall.I almost didn’t. Elmer’s chair in which he always sat was a throne to tobacco. Located in the corner of his living room, near the big television, that old leather chair was with complete with rips, tears and cigarette burns, and while at his house, I never saw Elmer rise from that chair. He didn’t need to because everything in life was within arm’s reach. To one side was not one, but three ashtrays, and oh what ashtrays they were. Big as dinner plates they were made of glass, which was a golden rich dark, brown, they fit into a solid brass holder which elevated them off the floor to make them easy to reach. They must have weighed pounds, making them so stable an angry dog scratching couldn’t have knocked them over. He had three of them, one for cigarettes, cigars and pipes. Elmer had one more thing by his chair, a solid brass spittoon, just like the ones used in Gunsmsoke at the Long Branch saloon. Not only did Elmer have ashtrays, tobacco, pipes, cigars and chew, but he also had reading material..
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